


Sub Rosa

by writer_roha



Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, College AU, F/M, Fluff, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 01:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14250006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writer_roha/pseuds/writer_roha
Summary: some things are better left unsaid.where bin won't say a word about your family if you don't mention his fear of the night.





	Sub Rosa

**Author's Note:**

> and they were roommates (oh my god they were roommates)

You had never known rock bottom. In fact, you were quite confident that you'd never have to encounter it in your lifetime. However, you weren't perfect, and you certainly weren't always correct about everything, as you came face to face with a certain Moon Bin and even considered becoming his roommate.

You had mixed feelings when you met the boy on campus on a hot summer day. It wasn't uncommon to see college students on the quad in front of the main building. It was however, uncommon to see students selling pink lemonade at a rinky dink table. Well, one student in particular. You weren't planning on approaching the glasses-clad mushroom headed boy, but a shitty poster that said 'in need of roommate' caught your eye.

You were currently out of a roommate, and frankly a place to live. Things weren't going so well with your parents. One thing led to another, and next thing you knew, you were charging out of your childhood home with all your belongings in tow. Thankfully, your close friend, Jinwoo let you stay at his place until you got things sorted out. It had been two weeks, and although he insisted that you weren't a burden, you still thought it would be best to be out his hair as soon as possible.

If you weren't technically homeless, you wouldn't have given Bin and his pink lemonade stand a second glance, but desperate times called for very desperate measures.

"So you need a roommate, huh?" you asked, lifting up the paper sign to get details that you couldn't see from a ways away. Rent was pretty okay, and you would get your own room. Nice.

"Yup!" he hummed, "While you're looking, can I get you a glass of lemonade?"

"I don't have any change on me, sorry," you sighed.

"It's on the house then," he smiled, pouring you a cup, "It's the least I could do for such a pretty lady." You scoffed as you took the cup hand. "It has vodka in it by the way. More fun that way," he added.

Thankfully you hadn't taken a sip yet, so you placed the cup back onto the table and pushed it towards him. "You know that it's 10am right?"

"No better time than the present, sugar," he winked.

"Okay," you coughed, "So about the room."

"Right," he nodded, taking a sip of the spiked lemonade that you passed back to him, "My roommate just graduated a bit ago, and the rent is way too expensive for me to cover on my own. It's a pretty nice place though."

"Consider me interested then," you affirmed, hoping a bit that he wasn't some crazy murderer in secret. 

"You're not bothered that I'm a guy?" he tilted his head inquisitively.

"I'm not if you're not," you shrugged.

"I'll be glad to have you then," he grinned, extending a hand over the table. 

 

And so, you moved in with the super-flirt dance major, Moon Bin. Of course, before you moved in you went to see it with him. It was pretty close to campus which you were thankful for, and it was nice, just as Bin had said. You were a bit cautious about the paper thin walls, but you were desperate so it wasn't exactly a huge deal breaker. The apartment was equipped with a kitchen, living room, bathroom, two bedrooms, and a small laundry room. Your room was across the hall from Bin's and was the same size as his; enough to hold all your necessities and a desk.

Living with Bin was peaceful at first. Unlike his demeanor when you first met, he kept to himself most of the time. Your classes didn't exactly coincide as he was a dance major and you were a linguistics major, so you weren't walking side by side to class with him everyday. Meals were mostly eaten alone, but occasionally you'd share your takeout with each other.

It took about two weeks for you and Bin to grow comfortable with each other. Polite 'hello's turned into 'Heyyy's in the hallway. Common courtesy regarding how much clothes one wears around their roommate turned into Bin walking out of the bathroom stark naked and screaming when he saw you because "I forgot I had a roommate."

You didn't mind a more loose Bin after he swore no more naked hallway incidents would occur. Loose Bin was nice and would share his cheetos with you on Saturdays. Loose Bin wore sweatpants and a teenage mutant ninja turtles t-shirt around the apartment. Loose Bin was nice. You liked him.

Another two weeks passed. By then, loose Bin was killed and replaced by stupid flirt Bin. You didn't know how you felt about him. Flirt Bin still shared cheetos with you and paraded his ninja turtle t-shirt around. However, flirt Bin also spanked your ass as you passed him in the kitchen. Flirt Bin also asked you if you were down to make out every now and then. And you genuinely couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.

Flirt Bin didn't look like he was going anywhere anytime soon, so you let yourself get used to it. It was all in good fun anyway, so you didn't really mind. Whenever he'd ask for 'a little kiss-kiss' after finishing his homework on time or when he got you ice cream on the way home, you learned to reply with, "Maybe next time," instead of an awkward stare. The playful banter made apartment life a little more fun, at the very least. 

 

It was on a Sunday night that a new Bin made its way into your life. You were about to crawl into bed when a soft knock at your door interrupted your sleepy daze. You opened it, expecting it to be Bin asking for a 'goodnight smooch'. Instead, it was just Bin, glasses-clad, hair down, and looking a bit meek. "Oh, hey," you greeted, a little surprised at the lack of the usual shit-eating grin on his face.

"Sorry to bother you so late," he scratches his neck a bit, "I was wondering if you have any triple A batteries on you that I could borrow."

"I do," you nodded slowly, "What do you need 'em for?" 

"Nothing important," he replied abruptly, "I-I just- I just ran out."

"Alright," you sighed a bit to yourself, turning around to fish through your desk for some triple As. After finding them, you dropped them into his open palm and wished him a goodnight. He hummed in response before returning to his own room.

This new, meek Bin confused you a bit, but you were far too tired to contemplate it any further than that. It was a question to be answered tomorrow.

 

The quiet boy that you had met the night previous was nowhere to be found the next morning. It was just regular flirty Bin.

"Morning, sugarplum," he winked at you as you stepped into the kitchen, clad in your pajamas. There was no class for either of you today, so you could afford to be a bit lazy. You usually wouldn't even be up before noon if you had no class, but the smell of pancakes wafting from the kitchen seemed to raise you from the dead. "Chocolate chips or blueberries?" 

"What?" you blinked, taking a seat at the dinner table and yawning.

"What would you like in your pancakes?"

"Uh, both I guess," you shrugged.

"Good choice," he smiled, sprinkling a handful of both ingredients into the pan.

A few minutes passed before Bin set down a plate with a stack of pancakes in front of you, and then another for himself. He sat down across from you and placed his steamed up glasses on the table before digging in. You sat for a bit, not touching your food, to study the boy a bit. His actions from the night previous were still perplexing you, although you couldn't really see why. 

"Are you gonna eat, or are you just gonna keep checking me out?" Bin asked, both cheeks full of pancakes.

"I'm not checking you out," you huffed as you cut your stack of pancakes open, feeling a bit pleased to see both chocolate chips and blueberries littered throughout the cakes.

"Then what are you staring at me for?"

"Your apron is cute," you blurted, pointing at the brown bear shaped apron that Bin was wearing.

"Why thank you," he grinned, "You're cute."

You say nothing and instead opt to finally start eating when Bin is already halfway through his food. 

Bin finishes well before you, but he stays seated in his spot and stares at you fondly, occasionally picking pieces off your pancakes to snack on.

"What are you looking at?" your brows furrow.

"Nothing really. You look blurry as shit right now without my glasses on," he shrugs, finally putting his glasses back on. "Now I'm looking at you," he hums, resuming his same position from before.

Again, you decide to stay nothing, instead getting used to his penetrating gaze and finishing your meal. Once you finish, Bin gathers your empty plate and stacks it on top of his own.

"I know I cooked, but I'll do the dishes if you give me a thank-you kiss," he says teasingly as he places the dirty dishes into the sink.

As per usual, you couldn't tell whether or not he was joking, but for the first time you let yourself consider it. You weren't in the mood to do dishes anyway.

So, you did what anybody that didn't want to do dishes would do; you grabbed Bin by the back of his apron, spun him around, and planted a kiss on his ever-so surprised lips.

Once you pulled away, you patted him on the cheek softly before turning to return to your room.

"Wait, what?" Bin blurted.

"You said you'd do dishes for a thank-you kiss," you said over your shoulder.

Before you knew it, you were the one being spun around and pushed up against the nearest wall. Bin's lips were on your's and he tasted a bit like syrup. His huge black-rimmed glasses knocked against your nose, but you wouldn't have it any other way. 

"Hey, this doesn't mean I have to do the dishes now, does it?" you asked jokingly once Bin pulled away.

"That's not why I kissed you, dummy," he whined as he cupped your cheeks and kissed you again. "I've wanted to kiss you for a while."

"I know, you ask me almost every day," you smiled, kissing him yet another time.

"I like you," 

You contemplated it a bit. You'd never really taken the time to consider Bin like that, but after a few seconds, you decided you liked him too. "Samesies," you grinned, prying Bin's hands off of your cheeks. "Go do the dishes, I want to nap."

"Right," he breathed, "Dishes." He began walking away before he turned around again and held your face again, "One more." His kisses were sweet.

 

You weren't exactly sure what you would call whatever it was that you and Bin had. You had thought it to be something like being boyfriend and girlfriend, but for some reason it didn't feel like that. Not that you cared much for labels anyway. You liked Bin and he liked you.

Whatever it was that you were, you liked it. He still shared his cheetos with you and wore his ninja turtles shirts. He still smacked your ass as you passed by and asked if you wanted to make out. Only this time, you smacked his ass back and said yes. 'Bin' turned into 'Binnie' and 'Y/N' turned into 'sugar' and 'honey' and 'baby' and 'muffin'.

Bin liked holding hands, you found out. Whenever he could, his hand would be in yours. Sometimes it was just absentminded hand holding and playing with each others' fingers as you watched tv. Other times it was a quick, firm squeeze on Bin's performance dates. Whatever it was, you liked the feel of Bin's slightly calloused hands against your own.

You also found out that Bin liked giving kisses. All kinds of kisses. He liked chaste kisses before parting ways and chaste kisses in the middle of study sessions. He also liked sleepy neck kisses when you'd wake up pressed beside him after falling asleep cuddling. Bin also really liked intense kisses. They didn't happen all too often, but he cherished the small kisses that spiraled into teeth-clacking, out-of-breath kisses. He reveled in your hands tugging on his hair out of desperation and the heated whispers between gasps of air. Kisses, your lips, oh, he loved it.

 

Bin slept with a night light. It was a little cat-shaped lamp that sat quietly on his nightstand, waiting to be used. There was no dust on it, so it was well-used. And it used triple As.

You found out the first time you slept in his room. It seemed as if you were both dozing off when Bin reached over your tired form to switch the light off and the cat lamp on. 

"What's that for, Binnie?" you asked sleepily, curling into his chest to shy away from the dim light.

"Nothing," he replied calmly, noticing it was bothering you and placing it onto the floor, but not turning it off.

"Okay," you hummed before falling asleep.

The light didn't bother you in the slightest, but it did pique your interest. Especially because he sidestepped every question you had about it. But as any significant other would do, you left it alone.

You left it alone for weeks, until your curiosity had practically slipped your mind.

 

It must have been 1am when Bin's frantic knocking startled you awake; it was one of the few nights that you slept apart. You both had been studying for different things and had decided it would be best to not get distracted by the other.

"Y/N, please wake up, it's important," Bin choked out between his knocks.

You stepped out of bed groggily and pulled your door open. "Binnie-"

"Do you have any batteries?" he interrupted.

"What?"

"Batteries," he insisted, "I lost- I lost the USB charger for my lamp and I have no more batteries." His voice trembled a bit as he spoke, and you could tell he was nervous. It had been quite a while since you had last seen meek Bin.

"I'm sorry, I don't have any," you smiled apologetically, "Just go to bed, we can get some tomorrow."

"I need them now!" Bin suddenly yelled. He never yelled.

"Hey, calm down," you rubbed his arm soothingly.

"I'm sorry," he fiddled with his hands, "I can't wait till tomorrow."

"Okay," you nodded, "Let's go get some then." You weren't the type to give in to people's whims, especially when it cut into your sleep time, but something about the quake in Bin's voice and the fact that his eyes would not meet your's told you that this was something you could not table for the next day.

And so, you slipped into your shoes and pulled a sweater over your head and helped Bin do the same before pulling him by the hand to the 24 hour convenience store across the street.

The store clerk seemed a bit surprised to see someone come into the store so late, but he kept to himself and kindly tended to you when you placed the single pack of batteries onto the counter. You wished the clerk an apologetic goodnight as the two of you left the store.

"Here you go," you placed the pack of batteries into Bin's hands once you returned to the apartment.

"Thank you," he muttered before heading off to his room silently.

You had never expected Bin to act in such a way, but you were too tired and wary to bother to ask. You would ask the next day.

 

You couldn't find an opening to ask. The next morning Bin acted as if his 1am panic hadn't occurred at all. He was his usual smiley self, and he talked so animatedly that you could hardly get a word in.

"Binnie," you began slowly when he was in the middle of taking a sip of milk.

He swallowed, then spoke. "Yes baby?" he smiled sweetly.

"About last night-"

"Right!" he exclaimed cheerily, "I forgot to ask if you finished your homework last night! I didn't get around to finishing mine because it was too hard." 

Behind his cheery smile you could feel the tension. This was a silent plea for you to drop it.

So you did.

When the time was right maybe he would tell you. You'd be patient.

 

A few more weeks and it was almost Thanksgiving. Everyone on campus was getting packed up to head home for the break. Everyone except for you anyway. You hadn't even spoken to your parents since your dispute in the summer. Like hell you'd give in and visit them now. Besides, you had homework to do.

"You're not going home?" Bin asked whilst packing.

"Yeah," you murmured, sitting yourself down on his bed to watch him bustle about.

"Why not?"

"No reason," you forced a tight smile that you hoped was plausible, "Just don't feel like going this year, and I have too much work I have to catch up on."

Bin, who was much too preoccupied with getting his things together to notice your apprehension so he simply nodded and continued on his way.

A day or so later Bin was heading home for the week. He parted with what must have been a thousand kisses before wishing you goodbye. 

 

The first few days without Bin felt strange. Not necessarily bad, but it had been something like forever since you'd last been without him. It was quiet, and maybe even a bit calming. You were thankful that you didn't have to explain your familial situation to him. You weren't exactly planning on sharing with him anytime soon but maybe if things got better, you'd tell him.

Ever since you were young, your parents had been controlling and their impossible standards for you crushed you as your grew older. You didn't know a life outside of their scrutinizing thumb, but university gave you your first sweet taste of freedom, and every encounter with your parents made you thirst for more and more. Unfortunately, your parents didn't know what life without you under their thumb was like either, so your first act of retaliation confused them, but more than anything, it made their blood boil. 

Under everything, they were still your parents and no matter how terrible they were, like any child, you wanted nothing more than their love and approval. But you knew getting that was impossible and the liberating feeling of sticking it to the man certainly filled the void for now. Maybe one day you'd return and make amends, but no way in hell were you going back in your present state.

At around the middle of the week, the loneliness began to set in. Things were too quiet. There was no one around to talk to, or cuddle with, or steal cheetos from. Of course, Jinwoo came around to visit a few times after you whined enough, but in your heart you knew it wasn't the same.

Somewhere along the way you had kind of decided that you and Bin's relationship was nothing serious. Just casual fun. You had never put a label, but you surmised that this was just how it was to be after a while. It wasn't like you went on dates or paraded each other on your social media accounts or anything. And that's what real couples did, right? In truth you weren't sure what Bin's take was and if you had bothered to ask earlier on, maybe you would have found out, but as time passed and your feelings blossomed, you found yourself more afraid of finding out you were the only one feeling such things on your own. After all, Bin was a flirt. He probably treated all girls like this.

Nearing the end of the week, you missed Bin more than ever. You wanted more than anything to text him or hear is voice, but the seed of doubt that you had planted within yourself was festering and you became afraid of annoying him.

You had never felt this way regarding Bin before. In fact, you could've cared less about pestering him all day in the past. But after a week of being alone with your thoughts, you began to overthink things; not to mention he looked so happy on his social media with his family and friends and you didn't want to spoil things.

 

The day Bin was to return home, you had managed to bury your doubt deep within you. It was unneccessary and silly. It didn't matter.

Bin walked into the apartment with his suitcase rolling in behind him. He looked tired, but glad to be back. 

"Hi baby, how was your week?" Bin asked sweetly while he put his jacket away.

"Good," you murmured from your spot on the couch, "How was your's?"

Bin kissed the top of your head before plopping down beside you. He smelled like pine which was something you weren't used to. So this is what his home smelled like. "It was fun, but I missed you," he hummed, "Why didn't you text me?"

"I must've forgot, sorry Binnie," you offered a half-hearted apology with a comforting pat on the thigh.

"It's okay. I'm glad to be home,"

"Glad to have you."

 

As time continued, you allowed yourself to set into the uncomfortableness that was being half afraid and doubtful about falling in love with Bin and half already head-over-heels. It was impossible to deny the warmth inside that he brought you, so you decided to save energy and just come to terms with it all.

There had been no night-light freakouts since the last time. But regardless of that, things were growing increasingly more tense between the two of you as unspoken things piled up. Both of you were too afraid to begin the conversation that would unravel everything, so instead there was a silent agreement to act like the unspoken things didn't exist in the first place.

Before you knew it, Christmas break was upon you. And you weren't going home. And this time Bin was more skeptical than the last time.

At first he kept it to himself, as the two of you had learned to do. But, it was morning and he had just woken up and it had slipped before he could think twice. 

"I don't understand why you don't just go home. Family is important,"

You tensed in your seat at the dinner table and your fists clenched. You knew it was just an insensitive comment. There was no malice or ulterior motive behind it. But you couldn't stop yourself from snapping. The underlying awkwardness weeding itself into your relationship with Bin was creating an unsettling bile within you and you hated it. You hated that you were a coward that couldn't share her true feelings with the person she cared about the most. It was pathetic.

"That's none of your business," it seems that you couldn't control your words either. It wasn't supposed to come out that way.

"You don't need to be so prickly about it, I'm just sharing my opinion," Bin's eyes narrowed, "Whatever reason you have for not going, I doubt it's as huge as you think."

"I didn't ask for your opinion," you bit out. All your defenses were flying up, one after another and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

"Jeez, calm down," Bin scoffed, standing up from the table and bringing his plate to the sink.

"Fine, if you're so interested in my fucking business then how about we get into your's, huh?" you sneered and he stopped in his tracks, "What's the deal with your stupid night light that you lose your shit over with any tiny complication?"

You knew you shouldn't have brought it up until he was ready.

"Shut up," he muttered, not turning around.

"See how it feels?"

"Shut up!" he barked, fists trembling at his sides.

"Stay out of my shit then," you hissed as you brushed past him to go to your room.

As you were about to enter your room, you heard a quiet, "I hate you."

You should've dropped it. But you couldn't stop yourself from hurting him back.

"You hate me?" you whipped around, stomping up to him.

"Yes, I fucking hate you," he spat, "I bet the reason you don't go home is because your family hates you because you're such a bitch!"

"Really now?" you breathed in sharply, "I think the reason you cling onto that stupid night light is because you're lonely and you know that no one likes you enough to put up with your shit and that light is the only hope you'll ever have at warmth in your life!"

"Fuck you," Bin said through gritted teeth.

"Fuck you too, asshole," you rolled your eyes, "I'm outta here. I can't believe I had a fucking relationship with you."

"What, you actually think that we're in a relationship?" Bin asked incredulously, "You must be stupid; I just kept you around because I was bored and you were easy." 

There was nothing you could say back except for a soulless, "Fuck you," as you charged into your room and slammed the door behind you. He was right. It was just a one-sided love.

You couldn't see or think properly with the fat angry tears clouding your vision, so packing your things was out of the question. So you decided on a nap to stall the impeding sadness coming your way.

 

It was silent when you woke up later that night. After taking a quick walk around the apartment, you confirmed that Bin was gone- probably home for Christmas break- along with a section of his closet and his cat lamp. You decided it was best to be moved out by the time he came back but you were too tired and the calm night air was coaxing you back into slumber. It could wait till tomorrow.

When you awoke again in the morning, you felt no better than the day previous. Fighting it out with Bin did nothing to ease the bile that settled at the bottom of your stomach. It was just like you to push away people you cared about. 

The morning was actually quite beautiful in contrast with the stirring of your heart. It was warm inside the apartment, but frost collected on the other side of your window and the streets below were powdered in snow. No one was bustling around so it was peaceful. It was essentially a perfect day.

But it didn't feel like one. Not in the slightest. You figured that you probably trashed any chance of making amends with Bin, so packing your things up was first and most important on your list of things to do. You still loved him, but he made it pretty obvious that he did not return the feeling and you knew you wouldn't be able to take the pain that came with chasing after him.

 

Packing took quite a bit. After months of living together, you and Bin's lives became intertwined, and with that, so did your belongings. Once you had packed the majority of your things, you had scoured the apartment for things you had forgotten. You had found Bin's lip balm in your bedside drawer and found one of your hairclips in his sock drawer. It was agonizing and difficult pulling apart the pieces of your life that had melded into Bin's. You felt like crying at the smallest things.

You should have just explained your situation to him instead of hiding and burying it away. If you had overcome your cowardice, maybe it would have helped him reveal his own secrets. No matter how you thought it through, the root of the problem was you and your stupid problems.

The click of the front door made your heart jump into your throat. He wasn't supposed to be back for another two weeks. The sound of the door opening then shutting was followed by the sound of racing steps towards your bedroom door. He was coming too fast and you weren't ready; you couldn't even begin to think of what to say. As the door swung open, your cowered in your spot on your bed and prepared to let loose a million apologies.

"I didn't mean what I said!" Bin exclaimed, standing in front of you and heaving for air. He must have ran.

"What?"

"I didn't mean it," he gulped air down, "You're not a bitch and I don't hate you and I never once considered you as anything less than the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you and I should never have pressed about your family without knowing any of the facts and I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me the way it did. I'm sorry for the things I said yesterday and I wanted to apologize, and if there's any chance that you'll allow me to keep loving you, then I'll take it."

"I'm sorry," you let your shoulders slump and your head drop as you felt tears rising to your eyes. 

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for, my love," Bin brushed the hair from your eyes and held your face in his gentle hands.

"There is," you placed your own hands over his, "I knew how important that night-light was to you and I knew it was a subject I shouldn't have touched until you were ready, but I still took advantage of it just to make myself feel better. It was selfish and wrong. I shouldn't have said the things I said either."

"God, I love you," Bin sighed, "Thank you for telling me that, it means so much." He took a deep breath. "I think I want to tell you about the night light."

"Oh, no no no," you tutted, "I forgive you. You don't have to tell me anything unless you're one-hundred percent ready and comfortable. I can wait, Binnie."

"No, I want to tell you."

And so he told you.

"It isn't as serious as you maybe think it is," he began, "It started when I was maybe ten. I was deathly afraid of the dark and so my parents allowed me to have a night-light so I could sleep. But then my little sister got really sick one day and she had to go to the hospital for a long time. Naturally, my parents went with her, so I was left with my uncle for a month or so. He didn't let me have a night-light because he said that I was too old for it and it was unmanly. My sister is better now, so it's okay, but that month was really bad for me because I had to endure my worst fear every night without my parents around while my sister was on the brink of death. It was just a bad time, and I just haven't been able to get over it since."

It made sense. This explained Bin's severe attachment to it. You understood. "Thank you for trusting me," you smiled, gripping his hand firmly.

"Thank you for putting up with me and my silly fear," 

"It's not silly," you shook your head seriously. "I want to tell you the situation with my parents."

"Okay,"

And so you told him.

You told him about the controlling behaviour and the caged lifestyle. You told him about the taste of freedom that came with age and how it was even sweeter with him in the picture. You told him that maybe you'd make amends eventually but it hurt too much to attempt now. 

"I'll spend Christmas here with you then," Bin affirmed after your finished explaining everything.

"What? No, you can't do that for me, your family is waiting for you," you refused.

"They'll live without me for one year," he smiled sweetly, "I'd much rather spend my holidays with you, muffin."


End file.
